In search of...

Where are we going?
That's what she said to me
But that place I once called home is just a bed to me
And we don't even sleep
Neighbors can hear her weep
I watch her feelings watch me
And they staring with the saddest eyes of loneliness
Look each other in the face and barely blink
I tried to make it write but the pen ran out of ink
So if my letters don't reach you I hope my words in sync
Where are you going?
That's what it said to me
But that place I call ambition now dead to me
Gone and forgotten
I'm off track like Dale Earnhardt
My liver rotten 
Alcoholic tripping
Fucking bad bitches
And they got bad intentions
Club night
Guys and dolls 
Balling out
But we about to drop the ball
I'm calling out for help
My friend called saying I need your help
I wanna say naw
So in conclusion
Sometimes we lose focus
Planning our own demise
Forgetting the big picture
Making it wallet size
So to what's important in my life
I apologize
I hope to stay faithful, focused and sanctified
We all get distracted
The question is would you bounce back
Or bounce backwards
You wouldn't know how to act
Or would you take action
That's just a part of life 
And if your vision's impaired
You'll probably lose it all tonight
I'm trying to visualize how to get it right
But my vision so blurry
Trying to slow it down
Stay close to the ground
But we always in a hurry
Now and if I could 
Make this world spin a little slower
Then I would
Then we could
Grow a little closer 
I think we're getting closer

Woo-SA'

Why am I the guy that all of you rely on?
I just wanna live free and let these bygones be bygones
All of my family members see me moving in directions
That they will never agree with and that here got them stressing
Calling me for hours
Question after question
Never let them in
But I always give suggestions
Guessing that they searching for confessions
But my thoughts are to my lonely
Pressing harder for perfection
I just wanna feel like I'm a part of something
Saying I'm on it but I'm hardly working
Guess I should tell the truth and stop fronting
But this is how the life is
No heart, lifeless
Honestly I don't know how I got the courage to write this
The honesty has always been my excuse to be righteous
Praying when its convenient I know I need it god
But I'm in love with the flesh and all my demons feel me more
Masturbating to satan's laugh screaming to allah
I need you more then ever, but I guess that he ignores
I just dive deep into the sinners and the core
Counting everything against me leaving blessings out the door
It's crazy cause  the shit I use to pray to get before
Be the same shit I'm use to seeing, honestly I'm bored
Human nature settles and I swear I want it all
Everything I use to cherish
Has become another flaw
Brothers who lend a hand
I'm shouting  fuck them all
London bridges let em burn
And watch them motherfuckers fall
Like I don't get the picture
Everything is about communication
They tried being patient
They just sick of waiting
I don't blame them
I just sit and understand
Turn a cheek and keeping it moving
Like I never gave a damn
Is this who I really am?
The undercover asshole
I never showed it, use to come off as bashful
Bottling emotions and lashing out at the wrong time
Hurting feelings, feeding my closest lover the wrong line 
I know she love me
I'm just tryna make my mind up
Getting use to the thought of never being behind her
Fail to even have a solid reason for me leaving
As I say I'm moving on with my life, but hardly believe it
Wiping my tears XX passion to the fullest
Playing tennis with decisions I don't have the heart to pull it
Am I wrong?
Futures in fucking bitches with thongs
We carry on
Thinking maybe this is what a brother needs
But I just fucking blew it like a virgin on her knees
No turning back now
Ain't no vision of  backdown
I'm just tryna reside where the fellas ride in the background
My best friend makes me feel like I'm a dunce
So I don't tell him what he needs
I just give him what he wants
Fuck yall latitude
Never show gratitude
This is what separating our latitude
Tell me am I wrong?

I call this Venta

For everyone whoever had the thought  that I won't make it huh
I say that because in my face you all smile and tell me I'll go the mile
I know yall don't believe me so I'll make it worth your while
Same niggas that dap me down
But it's all good I'ma taste maker
That's what I'm here for
I'm aiming for the clearport
That's what I steer towards
I just wanna know what everyone's in fear for
Niggas plan a lot but they ain't never coming near war
My own family disgruntled and enraged
Cause they wasn't half of this back at my age
And yall can get the fuck from around me
Yall can get the fuck from around me
And you can leave the bullshit right where you fucking found me
I can't breathe all these women must have fucking drowned me
I would be lying to you if I said my life was perfect
I swear I live in a circus, they do this to me on purpose
I'm in love with you all  I just can't have one
I ain't even grown why I just can't have fun
I hate the fact that I'm still attracted to you
So many things that I'd love to actually do
But then I look at all the wrongs that are actually true
I just wish I could give you up and trade back for my crew
Now I can't go back and retract what I do
Even though they criticize and attack what I do
I'll tell you more later now I'm on a dope chase
I miss the old days, now all I got is cold days
Things changed since we last spoke 
Went from the last pit till the last hope

The saga of h.e.r.

I was asked the other day what the meaning of my Sasha Thumph.e.r. tattoo means. I said everything, but after that I thought about it and it actually does. I was introduced to Sasha Thumper in 1998 with the Outkast Aquemini album track 9 "The Art of Storytelling Part 1". I don't know if it was the beat, the lyrics, the story or the nostalgia but it touched me. I was familiar with Sasha and begun to meet a couple or so I thought. I think in life you find people who are to meant to change you profoundly whether good or bad but change they do. I just so happen to find that person and I fell in love with her. She changed me in ways I still ponder. For that alone she will always have my heart. In the Outkast song Andre 3000 and Sasha lose touch and she ends up dying but through it all he had hope for her, them. That resonated to me as love, long-lasting love. H.e.r. (her essence is real) every since I began to to understand hip-hop I loved Common's "I used to love h.e.r" ands it's analogy. I love not only hip-hop but music in generally for it has touched me in ways not many things haven't and can't. Point blank period I get it. Every person has that one thing/person that has changed them or that one thing that got away or even defiines you. Sasha Thumph.e.r. is mine.