Just my Interpretation

When one would ask what is my weakness. I use to hesitate. But now I let it roll off my tongue L-O-V-E. Ashamed, embarassed but relaxed I say the word that I use so loosely. But still has had more of an effect on me more than anything in my life. With a few exceptions family and friends, my religion and music. For I don't know if I hate love how I tell people. For hate is a strong word. I think its because it has done to me what many can't control me. For it subdues, alters and embodies one's state. The sad thing no one is immune from it. For what you do with it and the effects it has on you differs. But it serves its purpose to effect, whether good or bad. I like others have haven't been able to work with it as a partner. We have the lead, follow relationship. I've always envied those types that can shield themselves from the detachment it has on you. Maybe it's my history for I have never seen real love for myself or amongst others. I use to think it was a difference between being in love and loving someone. I use to throw that moniker- like banner around lol. I don't want to sound bias. For when its good its good. But when its bad, worsem. For me love was my enabler for I needed a kiss, a hug, a phone call, a text to subdue me. If not I became weak, displacent like Pookie. And on its worst days it ripped about my body like a plague attacking every blood cell, nerve and organ in my body. Both ways left me exposed, naked. Now I grown got stronger, wiser built an armor of intelligence and a shield of stability. But comfort I can never know. For I know I shall come full-circle when I don't expect to starting again our E! True Hollywood story relationship. For it never dies never gets weak. Just gets stronger as the scales of catalysts build. And for some ashes and what was pieces of souls lost. For If I never love again I would have felt vuneralbility, reality and flirted with fantasy. I would have experienced enough in a lifetime to complete novels that they turn into movies. Is love worth living for? I don't think I will see the day I say yes. Because I know there will be more Ashleys, and Tashas and Tierras no matter how much I hold myself in contempt. And pieces of me will die with each one. That's why I feel I will never love again, cause when it comes down to it I will have nothing left. So baby don't get mad when you ask me do I love you? I stutter and struggle and can't get over the L. -Bill Bigsby